Oliver Stone film (of the same name) and another made in 1987 that only 17 people claim to have seen? This makes DVD purchasing later next year awfully difficult for us laymen-type people who are incapable of understanding the difference between the years, 2008, 1993 and 1987. It does get difficult with age (apparently).

Secondly, this “Heaven and Earth” tells the “true” story of an alleged female doctor who had to masquerade as a man due to societal constraints. This brings me back nicely to the title of this post, enlightening the world that Natascha McElhone is a beautiful woman. Okay, so some may say that she’s not attractive and I would respond to them “GET SOME GLASSES BLIND BOY”. Nevertheless, even if you disagree with the level of attractiveness of McElhone, you have to admit that her most prominent feature (her eyes) are incredibly striking. She has been hired for them before (pure conjecture) and probably will be again. Take a look at the photo that I so kindly included in this post. She is wearing a raccoon on her sodding head and she still looks feminine (and nice for the record). Do you really think that this woman (despite her obvious acting ability -see Solaris and the Truman Show) could even remotely get away with being a convincing man? She would be less convincing than Gwyneth Paltrow was in Shakespeare in Love. They used her awful “disguise” as comedic bait. If you want a woman to be a convincing man, just pick the thousand waif-like clones out there. What about Keira Knightley or Natalie Portman? I can’t think of anyone more manly.

Along with this quite brutal mistake (of McElhones’ for accepting the role), she would be acting alongside the “talent” of Worzel Gummidges’ son (a Mr Sean Pertwee). This is not good at all. Next thing you know she’ll be calling herself Aunt Sally, painting her cheeks red and becoming obsessed with a cup of tea and a slice of cake.= ready for the Worzel Gummidge re-imagining (that is sure to come in my lifetime). Run Tascha…RUN! Get out of there as fast as you can! If you want to do a period piece, there’s plenty of opportunity here in England. Come and play Princess Diana in a biography! You certainly have the look, the acting talent and your raccoon may just pass as a corgi!

Now that we have got over that slight outburst, let’s sit back whilst our backs tingle at the sight of McElhones’ “I can see into your soul” eyes…oooer…